im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
