Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
