She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
