I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
