He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
