i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
