And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
