I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Randomize
