My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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