your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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