do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
