Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
is wine microwaveable?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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