i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I would ride that face into the sunset
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
