Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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