its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
areolas are like halos for boobs.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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