you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
