That's when you crack a 10am beer
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it was like eating out sand paper
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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