That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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