Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
