I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
