I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
