The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
