You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
