i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
