Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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