I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
