i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
