You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
