hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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