i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Welp...herpes.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
