just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
