Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
