so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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