the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
