did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
