I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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