You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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