yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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