actually, I'm a sock model
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
