There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
