dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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