thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
