The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
