She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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