i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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