I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
