lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
