Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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