Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
