I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Boobs are out for the taking
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
