Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
